June 4, 2009
Last night I got Mehendi ALL OVER MY HANDS and legs. It looked like I was going to get married. It was fun though, it was our bonding time with the girls so they put mehendi on all 5 of us.
John 3:30 He must become greater; I must become less.
Today was the hardest day in India. It was so hot, it was UNBEARABLE. We would all be sweating 24/7. The power would constantly go off, and even when we would be dancing the fans would go off and I still had 3 more hours of dancing with them. Today was the day I wanted to throw in the towel. The heat was so so so unbearable. It seemed like no matter how much water I would drink, I would still be dehydrated. We all have not been getting enough sleep and so the sleepless nights all hit me today- I was officially exhausted. I felt like I did not have an ounce of energy left inside of me. I was so sad, we had just had 3 days of the camp with the Jubilee Girls and now we have 3 more days with Asha Gram girls. How could I not give my all with these women... I did not want to give them less of myself because I was tired, I did not want to rob them of the same joy the Jubilee Girls got just because they have camp later on in the week... But I just felt so spent. I was so sick. Liz came and made me drink at least 4 liters of water and all these electrolytes. My stomach was KILLING me and I couldn't eat, let alone walk for more than 5 minutes. All the water made me want to throw up. As I walked downstairs to the place where I would lead my session I kept praying in my head- God please let me just press on just 5 more minutes... just 5 more minutes. After 5 minutes of surviving, I kept praying God give me 5 more minutes of strength. My head was pounding from such an intense headache, sweat was dripping down my back (i know sounds gross but put yourself in 110 degree weather with no fan and the heat so Humid it felt like 120 degrees out). I looked all around at the girls. My group was the younger girls, aging from 12-18 years. These women were acutally rescued from the Red Light district. They were all so hungry for God and for His Word. I thanked God for even bringing me here to minster to these girls, but slowly everything inside of me just wanted to turn around and tend to my own needs. I began my devotionals (kept praying please 5 more minutes ... 5 more minutes). I led the session and taught them a human video to the song I have Found by Kim Walker. It seemed to go well and we all took a break for Lunch.
I skipped Lunch and fell asleep in the room with Kristin and Serena. The fans were still out, I felt myself blacking out a few times and thats when I got up and we prayed. I began to weep.... we were all so tired we were HOMESICK and just needed a wave of energy for these sessions... I was not the only one who was feeling this way =/
I had another session in the evening and I left in the middle.. I really thought I was going to pass out and die!!! I went upstairs, tears streaming down my face and Ascari and Hiroku prayed over me... let me tell you I immediately felt such peace and any sadness inside of me left my body. I slept for 2 hours and woke up Completely BETTER... Thank you Jesus!!!!!
Dying to our flesh, dying to ourselves... what does that really mean? This trip made me think about it on a whole new level. This time it opened my eyes, we were really learning what it meant to die to our flesh- to come to a completely new country and live in this culture. Not being used to the food or the climate- but we have chosen to accept it. When we came to this this place and felt like we have nothing left to offer and every part of our body screams out NO, stop what you are doing - start to complain, just quit... we pressed on. Why did we do this? We didn't do it to bring glory to ourselves for many things we have done will have gone unnoticed.. but we did it to glorify God in any way that we could. We had to continue to do God's work even though we missed the comfort of our homes, the taste of our favorite foods (or even good food), we severely missed our loved ones, the heat was out of control , physically we all had issues and spiritually we were beginning to feel defeated. If we had allowed ourselves to be consumed by one of those issues we would have missed a ministry opportunity. A chance to speak life into a woman's life there, a chance to allow God to move through us, an opportunity to SEE God in that place... we would have missed it all because we chose to satisfy our flesh only for a while.
If we all just allow ourselves to become less so that HE would become more... think of the many things God could accomplish through us. It was a hard day, but I praise God for every minute of it. It was the devil's way of trying to get us down... trying to ruin what God was doing in that place..... God kept giving me those extra 5 minutes of energy because He knew and I knew.. we just wouldn't allow the devil to have a hold on anything.
